Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
