one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
