My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The power of my boobs compel you
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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