dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
