just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
