Your tits are I can't wait for
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
