She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
