Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
