hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
