I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Someone signed my nipple.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
