If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
