umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
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so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
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I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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