Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
