Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
