woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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