why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Come see our sink grown plant.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
