I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
