no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
