I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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