Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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