and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
