I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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