No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
