We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Randomize
