I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
