omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
