Non-Jews are for practice
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
