im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
