I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
