Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
