Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
