I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
