real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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