I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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