..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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