he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
