apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
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