i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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