Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
