Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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