Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
