Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
