The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
