The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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