biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
