Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
