my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We just shotgunned beers for America
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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