I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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