i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
