Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
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