We're facebook friends in real life
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
sarcasm needs its own font
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
