It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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