I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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