We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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