I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
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