so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
