I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
