More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I stole a fireplace last night.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
