He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
