I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My dick has a subreddit
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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