someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize