I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Houston, we have a squirter
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
