I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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