i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
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i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
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Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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