The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
