Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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