youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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