I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
