Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
