can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
