apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
