so explain again why im purple
no
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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