That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I think my nap took me to another dimension
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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